Thursday, December 29, 2005


I have been moping over the "affair that was" for sometime. However, as time went by, my sadness was filled with silent outrage at some realizations I've had. Being outside the relationship gave me a perspective on why and how it collapsed. No matter how independent I am, it took tremendous effort and support from my friends to pull me through. What made it more difficult was knowing that I was quickly replaced. More like after the death of Princess Diana, wherein Camilla Parker Bowles then took over. (Sigh). Anyway enough of that.

This morning I showered and dressed comfortably. I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and saw a tired, sad and unhappy face. I really was the shadow of my former self. The bubbly, easygoing, and healthy-looking lad was nowhere in sight. Looking back at the year that was, I can understand the change in me. God must love me so much He gave me the toughest of challenges:

1. I lost my beloved team.
2. I was forced to work 60 hrs a week
3. I had and lost 3 boyfriends.
4. I was swindled Php 2,000 ( for me that's big money that time)
5. My friend Elda left for Korea.
6. A crazed drug addict almost broke into my apartment and stabbed me to death.
7. Problems within the family worsened and spiraled out of control, with two of my sisters battlling each other in court.

Shaking myself out of reverie, I stared back at myself. I was thinner alright, BUT I've weathered all the storms. Despite the endless catfights, LQs, illnesses, and disapointments, I am still here. I AM STILL ALIVE.

With this newfound resilience, I told my reflection in the mirror, "KAYA MO YAN, LUMABAN KA SA MGA PROBLEMA. THEY HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF YOU YET".

From this day on, I WILL LIVE.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005


  1. I've given up the possibility of a reconciliation. His ego is as big as a house.
  2. I regretted I ever presented the possibility of a breakup.
  3. I still fantasize about him whenever I have sex with other guys.
  4. I plan to return all the gifts he gave me, as soon as I have bought worthy replacements.
  5. I suddenly realized that a person does not just get "crabs" by himself, he gets it from someone else. I was so besotted with him that I believed his story that he never slept with anybody else and he doesn't know how on earth he got those icky things crawling on his pubes.
  6. I know what you're thinking, I am clean, I don't have crabs and I didn't have crabs before I met him. He gave me crabs. Imagine the discomfort I had shaving my pubes and saying helo to my bald phallus.
  7. I still can't believe I bought his story that his phone has an auto delete feature for sent messages. I checked with friends with the same phone model and they gave me "that" look.
  8. I know he has created a profile at and has a faceless body in briefs as his main profile picture. His profile name is "Thunder".
  9. I slept with another guy a few days before I broke up with him. I just thought, "What the hell, it's useless to stay in a relationship heading nowhere".
  10. The word "serious" has a different meaning for him.
  11. I hid the truth of my suffering from my friends. I felt sorry for myself.
  12. His friends verbally maligned me and he never said any word in my defense.
  13. He's a quitter.
  14. He admitted his mistakes but he never made adjustments within himself to correct them.
  15. He's right, absolutely right. He wasn't man enough for me.
  16. This is the last time I'll ever write and talk about him.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


Generally-speaking I love movies, especially those affecting ones (please take note that an "affecting movie" for me is something that would make me think about alternate endings and replacing the lead character with myself haha). Last Thursday, before my hubby left to flirt with camels in sub-Saharan Africa (I'm talking about Tunisia baby) we watched Flightplan, a Jodie Foster film. The film affected me so much that I always envision myself the target of conspiracy in every way possible (how demented is that?). Maybe I should reconsider consulting a shrink. (Yawn) Read on.

  1. The Mummy. I'll slip a cursed Egyptian artifact into my "beloved" officemate Ashley's bag. Naturally the curse will wreak havoc on her and everybody else. hahahaha (evil grin)
  2. Catwoman. I'll learn about my boss' secret dealings and the truth behind our phonecards' lost minutes and disconnected lines. Naturally , I will be killed but will be revived as a leather clad person, playing hopscotch on a skyscraper (robinson's summit anyone?)
  3. Harry Potter. With a hot guy like Malfoy, who needs enemies? If you can't beat 'em fuck 'em. ahahaha
  4. The Matrix. OMG! A lot of Agent Smiths! Can I see them all naked? hehehe
  5. The Skeleton Key - Our neighbor's dog who always barks at me whenever I pass by turned out to be my bad-ass neighbor and the good-natured person who is supposed to be my neighbor is the dog. Some black magic required (swishing arms and smoke would help create that effect I guess).
  6. The Hand That Rocks The Cradle. Our lazy maid turns out to be the owner of a dog I killed when I was very young and was out on a vendetta. Acts of revenge includes not washing my clothes right away, eating most of our food and monopolizing the TV watching Kampanerang Kuba.
  7. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Me and my baby turned out to be spies of opposing factions. Instead of fighting we bicker constantly. The sex is always great, though.

Ashley: Hey ...

KIDDO: (Feigns happiness) Hey...

We'll be back after a few messages....

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


Most of my Sunday was spent watching "that" show DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, and I can't help but agree to Mary Alice's words that "loneliness is something we can all relate to". However, I cannot imagine, in my queer life how I would fit as a desperate housewife. Here are some un-fitting situations:

(Gabrielle) Eva Longoria: If I were her, I won't just screw the gardener, I'll require a free gardening service. Hell, if you're fucking someone as hot as me, you gotta pay in any way possible. When I realize that my rich, generous husband wants to cure my loneliness with gifts, I'll sulk often and pretend loneliness. That way I can get that mini zoo I've always dreamed of (hippos included of course, but wait, i guess it's not a mini zoo after all).

(Susan) Teri Hatcher: Accident prone Susan. Oh boy, I can't imagine myself tumbling down my aprtment's steep steps and breaking a neck. That sure is a dangerous way to attract a man's attention. However that would attract a swarm of spectators. Maybe HE is among them. I guess I'll just put padding at the landing of the stairs for less damage. ouch!

Brini (Marcia Cross): Squeaky-clean Brini. Queer people should emulate her optimism, for instance, in an eyeball:

Ugly chatmate: Hi
KIDDO: Hi how are you? I brought you some homemade potpourri.
Chatmate (confused): oh ok. Would u like to go somewhere, like fuck?
KIDDO: Oh great sure!

Chatmate takes off his pants and reveals a small dick.

KIDDO: How nice, a small dick....

Lynette (Felicity Huffman) : Generally I don't like kids. They smell, they destroy, they rant, they eat too much and litter like 10 frenzied wildcats. To make those kids buckle up, I'll make them watch the CD of "Uncut murder scenes and footages too violent for TV". Whenever they would refuse, do a sample on a cat and tell in a most controlled voice "If you don't buckle up, you're next." Success everytime I guess. hahahaha

I guess that's why I'm just your good, old Kiddo. God knows what I would do.

Monday, October 03, 2005


I believe all people have innate kindness and compassion, however, certain factors influence their way of thinking , therefore altering their judgement on things.

Me and my baby went to his freind's house to celebrate her (friend) son's b-day. We were forewarned that there would be people from the Latter Day church and we do know their stand on man to man affairs (they abhor it so much).

Darwin and I are not openly affectionate. We only cuddle and kiss in private. However, we do attend to each other's needs. We arrived rather late and when we did, they moved to face us and I can see them making whispered commetns and passing one cellphone bearing a text message that they giggle about. When we got to eat, Darwin handed me my plate first before getting his own. He got me my drink. There are subtleties in the way we show our love.

When we are eating, I looked up and saw one American guy's gaze on us. I don't want to sound paranoid but they really are bothered by our presence. Only I felt this. My baby maybe is aware of it but he chose not to bother with it. I just sat defiantly and eyed them one by one, remembering their faces. I won't let them spoil my night.

Dinner was done and when they got up to leave, they all pretended to smile and shake our hands. I never knew it was customary for Latter Day people to shake other people's hands inspite of intense dislike. I almost blurted out the word "plastic", however, I remained silent and smiling bitterly.

I swear, God is frowning upon them for whay they did to us. Yet they call themselvers "elders".

Saturday, October 01, 2005


It's been more than a month since I have updated my diary. My apologies to everybody. I haven't forgotten you, it's just that I'm so happy with my life right now. On the eve of our 2nd monthsary, I said something that touched Darwin's heart:

"God is very good to me. I have my family, a job to support myself, real friends and you. If he chooses to give me riches, it would only be a bonus, but if not, I'm content with what I have right now. I used to choose friends and lovers by material standards and not by true worth. Certain events in my life have humbled me and made me realize that happiness could be found through simplicity. I have learned that what's simple is true. That simple truth is , I love you."

Troubles in life? They almost don't count.

Friday, August 19, 2005


Hep hep! Timeout muna sa epic saga (epic talaga hehehe) na YISS I'M IN LOVE TODO NA 'TO!

I'll just borrow Aretha Franklin's quote "I'm so damn happy!".

I really am, since Darwin came into my life. It's been three weeks since we made that commitment to love each other inspite of everything.

To quote my statement to my friends Khalel and Jed:

"Hindi na ako magsasayaw sa club, ate! Umiibig na ako at may umiibig na sa akin!"

That elicited guffaws of laughter from them, and they are really very happy for me.

To whatever Higher Power there is out there, thank you!

Monday, August 15, 2005


Ang Mahiwagang Pajama (hehehe)

Pasencia na paiba-iba ako ng language na ginagamit sa blog na ito. I must really be bilingual hehehe. Anyway, sa nakarang kabanata ay nagkasundo kami ni Darwin na manood ng sine. Of course excited ang inyong lingkod. Attracted naman ako kay Darwin kahit sa unang tingin ay mahangin ang dating niya.

Dumating ang Thursday, araw ng panonood ng sine. Syempre pagoda ever na naman ako from work kaya rest muna ako ng isang oras. Nananaginip pa ako nang maalala ko na may lakad nga pala ako. Oh my gulay! I'm running late. Wala akong na-prepare na susuotin. I just grabbed a white, slightly bodyfit white shirt and my ever reliable white Giordano drawstring pants. Reliable kasi kapag sinusuot ko ito, ewan ko pero parang I'm attractive hehe. Kung ang regal babies, may magic kamison, ako may magic pajama hehehe. Nakaslippers lang ako. Actually I'm very underdressed for that date pero what the heck! I'll wear what I want to wear. Besides, gusto ko komportable. Kung ayaw niya, basta manonood ako ng sine.

Nagmamadali pa naman ako pero nauna pa pala ako. May meeting pala siya. Paalis na sana siya sa office pero biglang tinawag for an impromptu meeting. Sige hintay lang ako sa Powerbooks megamall. Tingin tingin lang ng books and boys (hehehe) and mga girls na plunging ang neckline ng blouse (bwahahaha). Sa wakas dumating din siya. Ok naman we ate first sa Luk Yuen. Syempre I ordered my favorite chinese dish, steamed chicken with black mushrooms. Ok talaga ang usapan namin ni Darwin. I thought dutch treat pero he treated me out. Well, ok gentleman naman sya. Pansin ko na nakatingin siya sa aking mahiwagang pajama. Well, well well hehehe gumagana ang powers niya. Pero deadma lang ako kunwari.

"I thought so, well don't keep your hopes up. He maybe like everyone else you've me'"sabi ko sa sarili ko.

We watched THE ISLAND. kahit gaano kaganda si Ate Scarlett Johansson na parang nakakamukha ko na siya (hehehe), mabagal ang pacing ng movie. What;s worse is, parang walang ginagawang move si Darwin para hawakan ang kamay ko or akbayan ako.

"OMG friendship lang ata gusto niya. Kapag in 30 mins hindi niya hinawakan ang kamay ko, ibig sabihin we're meant to be friends lang'" Bulong ko sa sarili ko.

Pero syempre alam niyo naman ang inyong lingkod, walang kadala-dala at walang sawa sa paghihintay. Siguro mga after an hour na kakapanood ng boring na movie at kakaisip kung kailan hahawakan ni Darwin ang kamay ko, napahikab ako sa antok. Napansin yun ni Darwin.

Darwin: Inaantok ka na?

Kiddo: Hindi , ok lang ako (sabay smile)

Unexpected talaga na he touched my chin and kinuha niya ang kamay ko para hawakan.

"Thank you,Lord. Yiss todo na 'to!"nasambit ko na lang sa isip ko.

We held hands for a long time. He motioned me to lean on him. Sympre lean over ako. hay salamat akala ko bokya ang aking effects at sweetness.

Syempre after the movie super uwi na kami kasi late na ito. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko habang naglalakad sa parking lot ng megamall (A walk to remember itu hehe!). Isinakay niya ako sa bus bago siya umuwi.

Pagoda ever ako pero syempre I'm happy and relieved because of three things:

1. Hindi pala torpe si Darwin
2. Enjoy pala to the max ang date na puro sweetness ever lang and ..dyan dyararaaan
3. Hindi niya kinaya ang kapangyarihan ng aking mahiwagang pajama hehehehe.

(susunod.... Ang aming pag-uusap sa YM , correction hindi po cybersex itu)

Saturday, August 13, 2005


Ang Phone Conversation namin ni Darwin

It turned out na we know each other in the same website and have met some before. It was a queer feelign that we have this instant conneciton, that we could shift from topic to topic and not get bored.

We both like Kyla, we both liked the movie "If Only" and we both agree that the movie is very moving and inspiring.

After much pleasantries, I requested for a copy of "My Love Will Show You Everyhting" mp3 and Harry Potter book 6 pdf file.

But sometimes, my sense leaves me and goes down to my foot. I made a blabber about a guy he used to adore. Actually that guy almost slept with half of Manila's gay population so I just cautioned him. He felt, bad I know. To make amends, I offered to treat him to coffee at Starbucks. Well, I guess it would be shooting two birds in one stone - meeting him and making myself feel less guilty for my loose tongue. It was all set and that fateful day was scheduled on a Wednesday...At last he has a name. Darwin

Darwin here I come...

Saturday, August 06, 2005


Kabanata I
Si Kiddo at si W8nnvain

Hindi naman siguro kaila sa lahat na sobrang na-disappoint ang inyong lingkod sa nangyaring Mark fiasco sa Government (sana magbasa ng past blogs di bur?). Anyway, may nagsabi nga sa kin ng isang word of wisdom (pero hindi ko sure kung may wisdom ang taong ito , hehe) na "Tanga lang ang hindi nakakarecover", kaya hayun try to get over na me of that nakaka-traumang event.

Symepre internet chever na naman, as usual. Alam mo naman I'm not your ordinary karerista. I just meet and talk with guys from the net, and hindi yung tumatambay sa kung saang sulok waiting for someone na umihi, hehehe. I visited ang got active.

After sometime, nakakasawa rin pala yung puro usap, puro sex at puro landian. Aba syempre nakakasawa na ano. Baka mamaya sa kakahada eh singlawak na ng Andromeda Galaxy ang bunganga ko at mas marami pang ugat sa puno ng balete ang kamay ko sa kaka-jackoff. Hehehe. Anyway, ayun nag-emote emote ako at nagpaalam sa aking mga g4m friends. Naisip ko, siguro nag if im meant to be a spinster recluse like Emily Dickinson, wala akong magagawa. Kaya ko yan. Baka nga wala pala yung guy na yun sa internet, baka nasa tabi-tabi lang siya. Baka nasa likod ng pader, madilim na kanto, likod ng poste (teka teka mali parang holdaper yun ah). So nagpaalam na rin si Kiddo sa g4m. Inalis ko lang pictures ko. I was about to sign-off na talaga when I visited this forum thread about Kyla that I made, and someone replied saying he loves Kyla. His username is w8nnvain. I saw his pic, cute naman. "Bakit kaya w8nnvain eh cute naman?". Nagmsg ang malandi.

Kiddo: Before I go can I have your number?
W8nnvain: Why?
Kiddo: I'm leaving this site for good.

Ang tagal nagreply ni w8nnvain. Ibinigay rin ang number. Sun cell eto, pero ok na rin, kahit 10 years makarating mga txt msgs ko. Ok siya magtext, until it was time for me to go home. Sabi ko itetext ko na lang pagkauwi ko. yung landline number ko para makapag-usap kami ulit.

Umuwi na ako and nagpahinga. Then nagtext siya. I told him I'm home na and gave him my landline number.

Then the phone rang.......

(to be continued)

Abangan... Ang phone conversation namin ni Darwin (Hindi phone sex eto).

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


Thinking out loud....

Minsan naiisip ko, ang lovelife ko parang meteor shower. Sabay sabay and marami pero biglang nawawala lahat.

Bakit kaya umamin si GMA na tumawag siya kay Garci?

Ano kaya ang brand ng concealer ni Susan Roces? In fairness, maganda siya nung inokray niya si GMA. Very fresh.

Bakit mas maraming bi and gay ang pumupunta sa Mini-Stop kaysa sa 7-11?

May future kaya ang pangungulit ni Lance from Makati?

Kailan ko kaya makokolekta ang mga utang sa akin?

Totoo kaya ang subpoena na ipinadala ng Globe Telecom?

Ano kaya ang mangyayari kapag naging single parent ako?

Ano kaya ang reaction ng mga anak ni Rjay kapag nahuli nila kaming nagsesex? May future kaya akong maging madrasta nila?

Nakakainis ang Baywalk Bodies.

Break na kaya kami ni Josh?

Magkakaroon ba ng celebration sa birthday ko?

Wala lang nag-iisip lang.....


Luhaan man ako sa pag-ibig, Marami pa rin akong dapat ipagpasalamat kay Lord. Heto ang dalawa sa treasures ko.

I always thank God for them. Aside from my family, they're the only ones I can turn to kapag sobrang nakakawindang ang mga trials ni Lord.

We are the charmed ones (wag ka na kumontra blog ko 'to hehehe).

From left - right: Kiddo (Phoebe), Khalel (Piper) and Jed (Prue)

Kuha yan bago maganap ang Mark disaster sa Club Government. Kainis sama ng kuha ko.

Sunday, July 17, 2005


Friday, July 15, Pride Power GEB and Party sa Club Government, Makati Ave.

Special ang party na ito hindi dahil sa Pride Power (paki ko dun) kundi dahil ito na ang time para makita ko uli si Mark. Siguro naman naalala ninyo si Mark and the Ally McBeal quote.


Well alam kong hang-out ni Mark my love ang Club Government kaya dun ko siya siguradong makikita. The last time kasi hindi natuloy ang pagkikita namin dahil sa kagagahan ko. Nagtampo tuloy. Pero this time, babawi ako and I'll make him love me. Baka sakaling this time maging akin na siya. (Bwahahaha)

Preparations Galore

Nag-effort ang inyong lingkod para magpaganda. Syempre maraming kalaban dun. Dapat prepared. Ika nga ni Pat Benatar "Love is a battlefield". I must come in full gear. After nun, kinuha ko pa ang isang tobelada kong laundry sa aking favorite neightborhood laundryshop with the masungit girl na hindi pantay ang boobs. Nakakalaglag ng matres ang bigat ng laundry. Kahit si Darna lalawit ang dila (puro pantalon kasi).

Pagdating ko sa kanto namin hindi ko na talaga kinaya. Mabuti na lang dumating si Robert (my next door neighbor na lagi na lang akong tinutulungan sa mga panahon na hindi umeepekto ang mahiwagang bato).Binuhat niya yung pinakamabigat ng plastic (3 plastic bags kasi yun) at inihatid ako sa bahay.

Kiddo: Thank you. Mabuti na lang nandun ka. Nakakatuwa naman (sabay smile).

Robert: Ok lang. Sige alis na ako may lakad pa kasi ako. Sabay talikod. In fairness mukhang naligo siya ngayon. walang oilyness. Hehehe.

I prepared everything, clothes, shoes, wallet, accessories, hay ang buhay ng isang GRO , hehehe. Very inspired na ako, kasi makikita ko na si Mark my love, haaayyy his chinito eyes, red lips and that darn sexy smile na makakilig-tinggil (teka wala ata ako nun, anyway kunwari meron).

Syempre habang nakahiga ako at nagpapahinga, nagtetext ako kina Khalel and Jed para i-confirm ang time and place kung san kami magkikita.

10 PM nasa Greenbelt na ako, nagkataong may bandang nagpeperform yung isang banda. Dahil wala pa sila (lagi naman akong nauuna), makinig na rin ako. In fairness, hindi nakakatuwa yung banda.

Yung girl na vocalist, parang kambing na kinakatay ang boses. Anyway tiis tiis na lang, super yosi ang inyong lingkod, hanggang mamaya duamting rin ang mga badette.

Ang Guwapong Waiter sa Oody's
Kumain muna kami sa Oody's. Kahit hindi ako gutom sige kumain na rin kami. Ang guwapo ng waiter. Maputi at nakakaintriga ang kilay, parang inahit. Syempre close-inspection namin sya. Hindi inahit ang kilay. natural ito.Jerry daw ang pangalan niya. Sympre pa-charming ang tatlong badette. Sympre hindi pwedeng hindi ako hihirit.

Kiddo: Hi Jerry, ang pogi mo naman, nakakatuwa, ang cute ng kilay mo.

Jerry: Thank you sir (sabay alis)

After the meal syempre kuwentuhan and sharing ng experience sa kinain. Actually salo-salo kami sa pagkain. Ganun kaming tatlo, walang arte at nagbibigayan.At last bill out na rin. Pagkaabot namin ng bill humirit na naman ako:

Kiddo: Jerry pa-picture naman kami (sabay abot ng cellphone).

Walang nagawa si pogi kundi kunan ang evil stepsisters. Hirit uli.

Kiddo: Jerry, picture naman tayo.Hihihihihi

Mukhang hindi ata pwede kasi nagpaalam na si Jerry after mag-thank you. Sarap lang mang-trip hehehe. Anyway umalis na rin kami kasi kailangan na kaming tumuloy sa aming destination: Government Bar.Mark, here I come.

Ang Club Government

Malapit pala ang Club Government sa Aberdeen Court. Kita agad ito dahil sa rainbow drapes sa labas nito at sa mga badette na nak-skintight tops and pants na nakapila sa labas.Register na kami, bayad and pasok agad. May free drinks, kaya lang hindi ata kinaya nina Khalel and Jed ang Screwdriver. Ang ending, ang inyong lingkod na laklak queen (may story ako para dyan hehehe) ang umubos ng 3 baso ng screwdriver.Sa periphery lang kami ng dance floor kasi hindi pa namn feel na magsayaw. Maya-maya, may gay impersonator ni Britney Spears na nagsayaw ng "Outrageous". Hindi ako natuwa, kasi hindi niya kamukha ang goddess ko.Kamukha niya si Ellen Lising (yung may-ari ng facial clinic). Tapos may raffle raffle pa na ang prize ay iPod and micro-mini program hosted by this badette na may necklace na parang sa Buddhist monks pero fuchsia ang kulay. Malamang pag nakita ito ni Dalai Lama mapapatumbling siya sa pagkabigla.
Super text ako ka Mark.

Kiddo: Hey, I'm in Government right now. Where are you?

Mark: Yup. Wer u?

Kinilig ang lola at luminga-linga, pero wala si Mark. Later, Mark, later makikita rin kita.
Tumingin ako sa kaliwa at nakita ko ang love of my life na si Mark. OMG! OMG! (Sandara ikaw ba yan?). Nakasandal siya malapit sa stairs. Huminga muna ako ng malalim bago lumapit sa kanya.

Kiddo: Hey! Kumusta? Sabay hawak sa kamay niya in a fake macho handshake.
Mark: Hey kiddo. Kumusta? Got someone with you?

Kiddo: Aaa I'm with my friends, sabay turo kina Khalel and Jed.

Mark: Ahh ok. Hey I'd like you to meet Chris.

Kiddo: Ha?

Ang Legal Wife

Biglang may gumalaw sa likod ni Mark at humawak sa balikat niya. Ano ito? its a bird, its a plane.....

Oh no it's a faggot!
Siya pala yung Chris. Nakatingin siya sa akin. Hindi ngumingiti ang bakla.

Mark: Chris this is Kiddo.

Obviously, may hiitsura siya. Matangkad si Chris, maputi, naka-ayos to the hilt ang buhok and naka-leather jacket. In fairness, makinis ang mukha ni misis. Nagmukhang Nora Aunor vs. Hilda Koronel ang labanan. Shet mas pretty sya!! In short, kabog hanggang Aparri ang morena beauty ko. Nilampaso niya ako.The worst part is, obvious na mahal nila ang isa't isa.
Napatango lang ako sabay ngiti ng konti. Ngumiti na rin ng konti si Chris at tumango. Humigpit ang hawak niya sa balikat ng mahal ko.Hindi na rin nagtagal at I managed to walk away and go to Khalel and Jed.

Khalel: Sino yun?Kiddo: Yun si Mark my love.Hindi ko na naintindihan ang sinabi ni Jed. Isang parte ng excitement ko ang namatay.

Everything that happened after that is a blur. I just enjoyed the party and acted happy for my friends, but I never danced with anyone else. Umakyat kasi sa second floor nag club at nung sumilip ako para tingnan ang mga sumasayaw sa baba, nakita ko sila, in full view, dancing very close to each other.Hindi sila sumasayaw, halos magkadikit na ang katawan nila. Napapatingin si Mark sa taas at alam ko nakita nita ako nakatingin sa baba. Talunan talaga ang beauty ng inyong lingkod.

My friends tried to console me.

Khalel: Mare mas maganda ka dun.

Jed: Oo nga.

Nagjoke joke nga ang dalawa, sumisigaw ng Mark, and itinuro ako. Napatingin si Mark. Napahiya naman ako. Maya-maya nawala na sila ni Chris. Tinangay na ni Valentina si Efren.
Nagyaya na rin ako na lumabas na kami. Pagod na ang katawan, isip at puso ko.


So much for true love. Gotta face reality. Hindi lahat ng gusto natin ay natutupad, at hindi lahat ng taong mahal natin ay mamahalin rin tayo.Alam ko hindi ako pang-sex lang. May karapatan din ako sa pag-ibig at may magmamahal rin sa akin ng totoo. Hindi ako susuko. Alam ko nandiyan lang siya, naghihintay ng pagkakataon. Sabi nga ni Khalel:
"Hayaan mo, inihahanda pa siya ni God para sa iyo."

I won't give up on love.

Monday, June 27, 2005


Last night I got one of the most valuable lessons in love, dating and relationships. Elderly gays really are drama queens.

Francisco, a 48 year-old Spanish-FIlipino and I went to a date yesterday. I was supposed to cancel because it was raining rather heavily but he offered to pick me up at a nearby McDonalds so I relented. We had dinner at Italianni's. I protested because I was inadequately dressed, but once again, he reasoned out that since I'm with him I need not worry.

True enough, there was nothing to worry. He offered a full-course dinner, but due to WEIGHT ISSUES, I opted for a nice and refreshing mediterranean chicken salad (it is laced with these flavorful bits called capers). As the dinner progressed we knew each other better. He was nice, very nice indeed. In his car he asked where I wanna go, and I replied with a very eloquent "anywhere" (define eloquent hahaha).
We went to this private place with four walls and the airconditioning is cold enough to make antarctic penguins feel right at home. I know where it's heading to, and I don't care. I want to assert that I am my own woman (ok ok technically a man) and I know what I want. As we kissed deeply, he fumbled with the fastenings of my pants. At last when my raging willy popped out, my phone rang. I saw an unfamiliar number. I took the call.

The caller's name is Bryan and is asking how am I doing. Honestly, I remember him vaguely (without his pants on). He is the one-minute man. Hold his dick and he will come in a minute hahaha.What I didn't realize is that Francisco is already freaking out. All of a sudden he lost interest and told me that we should get going.
In his car he said that he wouldn't want to get involved with me unless I sort out my priorities and not treat him like a spare tire.

I argued that he isn't a spare tire (more of a vintage car given his age hahahaha), Anyhow it was pointless.
Obviously it was a date that ended in disaster. He still drove me home. So much for hoping so much for something that is really not meant for me.

I was lying in bed wondering what I did wrong, and then i remembered that I forgot my fifty-peso umbrella in his car.

Oh darn. I'll just get a new umbrella and I'LL GET A NEW GUY.

(Hint about his identity: Cong. Miguel Zubiri is his nephew and he speaks flawless Castilian Spanish)

Friday, June 17, 2005


Yahoooo! Nagreply na si Mark and ok raw na magdate uli kami. Eto yung reply niya sa message ko:

Me: NOTE: I may not be the best looking guy you have met or will meet. I may not be the brightest person you may have shared ideas with. I may not be the most sexually gifted person you've been with. All I know is that I am here with all my heart, believing that what's simple is true. The simple truth is, I LOVE YOU.

MARK: NOTE: u know mah sun no ryt?? so juz txt me wen and wer kung ala me sked tutulog me sa bahay nyo hehehehe........

Tingin ko this is it. Todo na 'to. This time he'll be mine.. again ahahahahahaha (teka tawang kontrabida yata yun ah?).

Thursday, June 16, 2005


In-love talaga ako dito kay MARK.

Nagpost siya sa ng bulletin asking for a date. Syempre reply agad ang lola mo. Twice na kaming nag-date and he's a gentleman and very cute. Nakakainlove talaga. Eto ang desperate plea ng inyong lingkod. Syempre inlove eh:

I may not be the best looking guy you have met or will meet. I may not be the brightest person you may have shared ideas with. I may not be the most sexually gifted person you've been with. All I know is that I am here with all my heart, believing that what's simple is true. The simple truth is, I LOVE YOU.

Kung may makabasa nito na may lihim na pagnanasa rin kay MARK, humanda ka. Patayan na ito. Ala-eh hindi mo kaya ire. Hindi umuurong ang dalagang BatangueƱa. Patay kung patay. Parang Black Mamba vs California Mountain Snake ito. Hehehe.

Hay pero ang totoo I'm just wishing and hoping na may pag-asa pa ang damdamin ko par a sa kanya. Kahit magnobena pa ako sa Baclaran. Hehe

Saturday, June 04, 2005


Nakakatuwa naman ang aking cyber life( may life pala dun???). Dami nagpo-propose. May puti, may itim, may intsik, may local. Haaayyy... pwede bang lahat na lang sila? Pero alam naman nating hindi pwede. Kailangang mamili hija.

Hanggang ngayon puzzled pa rin ako kung bakit attracted sa akin madalas yung white, foreign older guys 30+ and they wanna treat me like their own boy toy. Hindi na ako boy beinte sais na ako and hindi ako toy (tao ako, ate!). Nevertheless, I love the attention bwahahahaha.

Isa-isahin natin ang advantages and disadvantages of dating foreign guys, according to your truly, your very own international slut:


1. usually, matangkad sa akin

2. open for experimentation

3. generous (except for Germans)

4. cuddle to the 4th power (walang inhibitions if they like the guy)

5. ok lang for long distance SERIOUS relationship (pag magkalayo, email lang masaya na)
6. may plans for the future ng relatiuonship niyo (at hindi for his own future lang)

7. mas madalas tumutupad sa pangako kaysa sa pinoy

8. May malaking phallus (titi yun gago!)

7. Special treatment sa mga resto (damay pati ako)


1. May ibang partner sa country nila.

2. Minsan, questionable ang hygiene (siguro bilihan mo na lang ng tawas piso lang isang sachet)

3. Language barrier lalo na pag hindi marunong mag-english. Puro hand signs. (teka teka paano mo isa-sign language yung "I love you, where's my FIANCE VISA?" hehe)

4. Laging busy sa trabaho (usually high-ranking officer siya ng isang multinational company or expat na gusto lang magliwaliw at gustong mabiktima ng Abu Sayyaf)

5. Hindi kumakain ng kanin. May naka-date akong ganyan na British ang inorder niya for me TUNA MEDALLIONS. Akala ko ulam, yun pala nakalagay sa plato 4 piraso ng tuna na singliit ng bilog na medal bawat isa at may konting garnish na mint sprigs at sauce. I swear, pagkauwi ko kumain ako dun sa lugawan malapit sa amin.

6. Kahit special treatment sa mga resto, alam mo na pinag-uusapan ka ng crew. Iniisip nila callboy ka or gahaman sa pera, which is not true. Hindi po ako gahaman sa pera, mukha po akong pera (is there a difference?)

7. Usually out sa family. Hindi ko na kailangang magtago sa ilalim ng kama or magkunwaring computer technician para makapasok sa kwarto niya hehehe.

Siguro may mga bagay pa akong nakaligtaan dito pero to sum it up, it doesn't matter kung ano ang lahi. Ang mahalaga, mahal ninyo ang isa't-isa at nagkakaunawaan kayo.

That's all thank you so much. World peace! (sabay wave)


Hay nakakabato naman dito. Iba talaga ang 1 - 9 PM shift. Kokonti na nga kayo wala pang ginagawa. Tapos mamayang malapit nang umuwi saka dadagsa ang mga calls. Dusa talaga!!!

Anyway, eto write na lang ako ng blog. Sencia na medyo delayed ang pag-update ko dito. Ikaw ba naman ang magtrabaho ng 10 hrs a day 6 days a week, siguradong itutulog mo na lang ang rest day mo. Ever since ma-demote sa trabaho eto pwede raw mabawasan at maging 5 days kaya lang babawasan ang sweldo ko. Naaaahh!! Hindi pwede. Tama na ang drama. Masakit ang ma-demote pero mas masakit ang mabawasan ang sweldo.

Haaaaay teary-eyed na naman ako. Sa akin kasi mawala na ang lovelife at gimik, wag lang ang career. Feeling ko nga I'm an exiled queen without a castle of her own. Pero naisip ko, tama na ang kakaisip. Nakakapagod sa braincells, wala naman mangyayari. Bibigat lang ang dibdib mo. Ang mahalaga, may trabaho pa ako. Hanggang kaya, kahit gumagapang kakayanin, di ba? Siguro guiding principle ko na lang yung words sa kanta ni Mariah na "Can't Take That Away" sa mga nangyayari sa akin sa job ko:

They can say anything they want to say
Trying to bring me down, BUT I WON'T FACE THE GROUND
I will rise steadily out of reach
hmmmm.... (sorry nakalimutan, tao lang)
Although they do try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to fall
There's a light in me that shines brightly
They can try but they can't take that away from me.....

I know they're tough but I'm made of stronger stuff.

Feeling ko for the first time may sense ang blog ko. What do you think?

Monday, May 23, 2005


Approximately, ito yung conversation namin ng friends ko last Saturday. Ewan ko mahirap kasi mag-remember ng mga pinag-usapan. Naluto na yata ng yosi at alak ang utak ko. hehehe

Bungad ko sa mga friends kong sina Khalel and Jed last Saturday night sa Malate:

Kiddo: May sasabihin ako sa inyo.

Khalel and Jed in unison: Ano?!....

Kiddo: Gusto ko nang makipaghiwalay kay ***

Jed: As usual, sinasabi ko na nga ba. Sa mukha mo pa lang, I can see it darling.

Khalel: Eh ano nga ba ang nangyari?

Kiddo: Marami siyang inconsistencies sa mga kwento niya. Aside from that ikinakahon niya ako.

Jed: Talaga, package na pala ang image mo ngayon, ikinakahon.

Khalel: Hahaha

Kiddo: Sobra naman 'to, anyway, eto kasi yun. Sabi ko gusto ko maggym. Ayaw niya. Ayaw nya ako ipakilala sa friends niya. E anong gagawin niya sa akin?

Jed (with concern pero nakataas ang kila): E masaya ka pa ba?

Kiddo: Hindi na

Khalel: Ayun naman pala, eh ano pang ginagawa mo. Sayang naman ang emotional investment mo.

Jed: OO nga. Kaya dapat kapag 1st month wala pang emotional involvement.

Khalel: Nasa iyo ang desisyon. Wala sa amin, basta ang mauna dapat yung happiness mo, hindi yung sa kanya.

Kiddo: Ok. Anyway tara na kain na tayo.

Khalel: Ay gusto ko dun sa couch.

Any person who might read this may think it is just a shallow chit chat among friends. With me, there's nothing shallow about it. BIG MISTAKE. My friends keep me grounded and sane. Sometimes their mere presence makes me feel that everything will be alright.

Thank God for them. I've thanked God countless times for my family but this time I am thanking HIM for giving me good friends. Despite my usual weaknesses (e.g. perpetual latecomer, stubborness, and a total slut), they are still there for me.

I'd like to quote the verbal exchange between Demi Moore and Cameron DIaz in Charlie's Angels II:

Cameron: I am not like you. I have something that you do not have.

Demi: What's that?

Cameron: Friends.

Enter sina Lucy and Drew



Friday, May 20, 2005


Sa totoo lang hindi ko talaga sigurado kung magaling kumanta si Karylle. Ano sa tingin niyo?

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Sa kakulitan ng housemate kong si Carlo, ayun member na rin ako ng lumalaking network ng Diana Stalder. In fairness, effective naman ang products kaya lang sa panahon ngayon, syempre mahirap magbenta. Mas uunahin mo pa ba na makinis ang mukha at katawan mo kaysa sa gutom na sikmura mo?

Pwede rin daw magrecruit para kumita. Si Carlo yung mga booking niya isinasali niya. Ako kaya? Paano ba ako makakapag-recruit? Hmm isip isip. Sayang din yung 3,500 ko.. Isali ko kaya mga suitors ko. Pwede rin. Mahirap lang magconvince. Tamad kasi ako sa ganun.

Mukhang disaster pag hindi ako kumilos. Basta. Bahala na.


Sabi nga nila, advertising is everything kaya dapat daw maganda ang print ads mo. Well nakita ko na ang isa sa pinaka-effective signs sa isang tindahan. Effective sa mga buwisit sa negosyo. Sa bungad pa lang ng tindahan nakalagay: "BAWAL UMUTANG NGAYON. PWEDE NA BUKAS." Sympre kahit anong araw mo makita, forever kang maghihintay ng bukas. hehehe

Try ko kaya sa makulit kong suitor. Eto ang ilalagay ko sa shirt ko: "BAWAL TAYONG MAGSEX NGAYON, PWEDE NA BUKAS."

Sana effective.

Pagoda tragedy

Hay nakakapagod talaga. Buti pa yung makina ipinapahinga. 15 hrs ang trabaho ko ngayon. Wala kasing ka-relyebo. 9 pm pa ang dating nun. Kaya eto nagpapakabusy sa paggawa ng blog.

Sabi ko nga sa officemates ko, mabuti pa saksakin na lang ako sa dibdib kaysa unti -unting pagpatay na gaya nito. Uy nga pala I almost have 200 friends sa downelink ko. Sana dumagdag ka. Add mo ako


Welcome sa aking nag-iisang blogspot. Welcome to the Aqua Green Diaries.