Wednesday, May 23, 2007


We are all control freaks - in the office, in relationships, in the house. We want order, we want organization. However, there's still a Higher Power out there who calls the shots and can change our lives in a split-second.

Coming out in public is something every gay man should prepare for. For this crazily-sexy writer, coming our is as important as a debut for an 18-year old girl and a bar mitzvah. It means that you are offering yourself to the world as you are, no prentense.

I always dreamt that my coming out in public as something akin to monumental and sensational, which is after: A. after i receive a Nobel peace price for saving the long-necked women of Burma by providing alternative employment at Tiffany's (well they can wear several necklaces at a time, that way they save on mannequins); B. i receive an award for Best Blog (for the Aquagreen Diaries) by blogging that I fisted Rafael Alunan and he loved it.; or C. I was exposed as the hidden mistress (or whatever you call it) of FG Arroyo, and the root of all his corrupt practices (with a video footage of me wearing very large Dolce glasses and a mink coat with nothing underneath and 6-inch stilletos, walking along Macapagal Ave in a drugged state shooting passing cars at will).

(Sound of a record scratch). Reality check. Reality, Kiddo. Kiddo, reality. I'm at Baywalk with my sisters Jed and his husband Glenn and Khalel and his husband Ian. Also present was Echo, a bitch I love to hate, with his cute husband Ray John (wink wink). We're at Blue Bay Grill, an open-air comedy bar. The drag queens really know how to put a very funny show. Then the Higher Power decided it's time for us to come out. Ian and then ray John decided to jam with the singers, and as with every comedy bar, teh singer gets interviewed first. Then everything got exposed, with us as straight acting gays, and with Ian having a boyfriend on our table, and then Ray John, too. Every eye was focused on us. I cannot even look up. This is not how I expected to come out in public. I am not yet ready. But it was decided. I just tried to enjoy the show. It's a good thing Jed (who's also flustered with the experience) urged us to leave after the last drag performance.

As we stood up and walked towards the exit, I saw all eyes on us. It's like being under persecution by paparazzi.

I breathed a sigh of relief as we walked out and strode freely onto the sidestreet. All of us just had coffee and laughed about the experience.

From this experience, I learned the following:

1. We really cannot control everything. That Higher Power out there is really powerful

2. My being single is being painfully obvious but I know with friends, I'll be all right.

3. Anything can happen at a comedy bar.

4. I'm glad I kept my hair long. It shield my face from scrutiny.

5. I should always brign my large Dolce shades whih are perfect for times like this.

6. Since The Higher Power decided my coming out, I guess he would also decide on who will be my boyfriend.

7. I realized that in order to meet quality guys, they need to see a quality me. a newer Kiddo. Is reinvention in the works? Definitely.

For now I am focused on my teeny-weeny bit of a business and my J-O-B. (hurrying out of the door).

P.S. Do not shoot the little kitty. I'll give you what you want.

Friday, April 20, 2007


It was BED's 4th anniversary party. The music was cool, the people were hot, and the club was not too crowded. A guy was on the pretense of smoking and stood next to me, making furtive glances. Let's call him Scooby (I always call guys I don't know Scooby). I was not in the mood for anything, YET. I pretty much ignored him.

However, for a notorious party person like me, nothing could be more exciting than to have a drink. The whole place is screaming of cocktails. I sauntered to the bar and ordered my favorite: Long Island Iced Tea. I usually get mine at Streetlife (when it's still open) and I get a manageable glass, not too tall. This one was a surprise. The glass was huge, even the bendy straw was drowning in it. Throwing away the straw carelessly (I hit a guy an unfortunate guy..), I just took sips and went to my spot.

As I was halfway through it, I felt my inhibitions disappear. It turns out that this guy who keeps on rubbing his elbow against mine wants to kiss me. Let's call him Tootles. We were slowly getting the feel of it and then Scooby came and kissed me hard on the lips. Being the charitable person that I am, I kissed him back and gave him a piece of BatangueƱo tongue. What transpired next was a battle of oral proportions. Scooby appeared to be cute, just like a Stepford husband. Tootles, meanwhile was pissed off.

After the kissfest, Scooby whispered to me to follow him to his car. He's just gonna say goodbye to his friends. I was so wasted I wasn't even hearing half of what he said next. I forgot to follow him. So much for getting laid, huh?

Wonder of wonders, Kjartan, my chatmate from Norway, texted me. He was also there and he wanted to meet me. We hugged and he said I smell good (Thank you , House of Moschino for concocting that wonderful fragrance "Friends"). I told him to prove it by kissing my neck, and he did more than kissed it. He nibbled on it hahaha. He also kissed me on the lips, but I didn't like it. As we talked, I happened to ask him about his bf, who's at home sleeping. I jokingly told him I could handle an affair with him if he's interested, and his bf would not ever know. He just kissed me back and with a serious gaze, he said he likes me because I'm naughty.

My dizziness was already becoming apparent. Scooby must be in a frantic search of me within the vicinity, obviously Tootles is still mad at me for not choosing him (I like him, it's just that he's slow), and Kjartan must be checking on my offer for an affair. I said goodbye to Kjartan and began to look for Paris (Jed) and Lindsay (Mark). I really want to go home. I have a headache larger than the state of New Jersey.

Leaving 3 guys with me on their minds, and a place swarming with guys searching for a quick lay, we left the place.

Anyway, I searched the internet for recipes of Long Island Iced Tea. I didn't know this fucker of a drink has 3 versions. Check 'em out. This is great for a children's party ( for the mascot and clown to drink hahaha). Enjoy!

Version 1 (traditional)
1/2 oz vodka 1/2 oz gin 1/2 oz triple sec 1/2 oz light rum 1/2 oz tequila 2 oz sour mix

Mix with ice and then top with Cola.

Version 2

2 cups ice cubes 1 ounce vodka 1 ounce gin 1 ounce white rum 1 ounce white tequila 1/2 ounce triple sec 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice 1/2 cup Cola, or to taste 2 lemon wedges

Shake everything but cola and wedges in a cocktail shaker. Pour into glasses and top with Cola, and a lemon wedge.

Version 3 3 oz Triple Sec 1 oz Light Rum 1 oz Dark Rum 1 oz Vodka 1 oz Gin 1 oz Vermouth 3 oz Sour Mix 6 oz Cola 1/2 oz Tequila Ice

Combine everything and serve with ice.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

An Open Letter to a Dear Friend (with excerpts of lyrics from Paris Hilton's song Jealousy)

"I thought you were my best friend

I thought we'd be together to the end"

For you I have all the love and respect in the world;

Even sacrifice a part of my happiness for yours, I would.

"Your not the girl I once knew

Tell me where she is cause she's not you"

I always thought our life together would always be sweet;

As I counted the years, months, days and weeks.

"You used to be that shoulder

That shoulder I could lean on through it all"

You were always my champion;

I cheered as you fought them all head on.

"But now its getting colder

There's no love between these walls"

Suddenly, snow came without warning;

And I was there, alone and wanting.

"I was always happy

When I was watching you become a star"

I was very content to be "your friend"

A silent little shadow whenever we went.

"But you were only happy

When the world was openin' up my scars"

Later came a series of unfortunate events;

It was always your shining moment at my humiliating expense.

"And now I'm like the devil

Well if I am then what does that make you"

Later it was I whom you judged;

I, who never imagined this, was severely hurt and stunned.

I never dreamed that the strong person I admired, you see;

Would have his venom directed at me.

It is in my heart to forgive;

But I know there's a lesson for you I have to give.

Bitchiness is not a sign of intelligence;

Having a warm heart sums up a persons essence.

Scheming, self-centered person go away;

I do not want you to stay.

Please bring back my friend, the friend I once knew;

My brother, my friend, the strong rock I hold onto when the strongest winds blew.