We are all control freaks - in the office, in relationships, in the house. We want order, we want organization. However, there's still a Higher Power out there who calls the shots and can change our lives in a split-second.
Coming out in public is something every gay man should prepare for. For this crazily-sexy writer, coming our is as important as a debut for an 18-year old girl and a bar mitzvah. It means that you are offering yourself to the world as you are, no prentense.
I always dreamt that my coming out in public as something akin to monumental and sensational, which is after: A. after i receive a Nobel peace price for saving the long-necked women of Burma by providing alternative employment at Tiffany's (well they can wear several necklaces at a time, that way they save on mannequins); B. i receive an award for Best Blog (for the Aquagreen Diaries) by blogging that I fisted Rafael Alunan and he loved it.; or C. I was exposed as the hidden mistress (or whatever you call it) of FG Arroyo, and the root of all his corrupt practices (with a video footage of me wearing very large Dolce glasses and a mink coat with nothing underneath and 6-inch stilletos, walking along Macapagal Ave in a drugged state shooting passing cars at will).
(Sound of a record scratch). Reality check. Reality, Kiddo. Kiddo, reality. I'm at Baywalk with my sisters Jed and his husband Glenn and Khalel and his husband Ian. Also present was Echo, a bitch I love to hate, with his cute husband Ray John (wink wink). We're at Blue Bay Grill, an open-air comedy bar. The drag queens really know how to put a very funny show. Then the Higher Power decided it's time for us to come out. Ian and then ray John decided to jam with the singers, and as with every comedy bar, teh singer gets interviewed first. Then everything got exposed, with us as straight acting gays, and with Ian having a boyfriend on our table, and then Ray John, too. Every eye was focused on us. I cannot even look up. This is not how I expected to come out in public. I am not yet ready. But it was decided. I just tried to enjoy the show. It's a good thing Jed (who's also flustered with the experience) urged us to leave after the last drag performance.
As we stood up and walked towards the exit, I saw all eyes on us. It's like being under persecution by paparazzi.
I breathed a sigh of relief as we walked out and strode freely onto the sidestreet. All of us just had coffee and laughed about the experience.
From this experience, I learned the following:
1. We really cannot control everything. That Higher Power out there is really powerful
2. My being single is being painfully obvious but I know with friends, I'll be all right.
3. Anything can happen at a comedy bar.
4. I'm glad I kept my hair long. It shield my face from scrutiny.
5. I should always brign my large Dolce shades whih are perfect for times like this.
6. Since The Higher Power decided my coming out, I guess he would also decide on who will be my boyfriend.
7. I realized that in order to meet quality guys, they need to see a quality me. a newer Kiddo. Is reinvention in the works? Definitely.
For now I am focused on my teeny-weeny bit of a business and my J-O-B. (hurrying out of the door).
P.S. Do not shoot the little kitty. I'll give you what you want.