Monday, January 23, 2006

Letter to a Friend

Dear friend,

Kumusta ka na? By the way I abandoned the "peacock and prairie chicken" question. But I do have a new one. Hahaha. Do reply. I consider u as a friend. And I mean a friend. I just realized that I have very few friends, and it's about time I made new ones. So is it okay for you? Don't worry I won't pressure you, or even beg you to meet me. Just talk to me, let me blabber about how we are all God's actors in his B-movie called "Life" and how we go on about it every single fucking day.

By the way, u inspired me in a way in saying that you don't need a relationship to complete yourself. I guess I should try having that as my life's creed. Hell, life sucks but we don't have to suck too, right? I wish I could tell you more, but I am still not sure if I would meet the standards to be your friend. However, here I am again, not ever learning that being ignored online is just like being shoved. By the way, I had a really tough time, meeting the bitches of G4m last Friday night. A very different crowd I might say. Very very different. Some are nice though. Most are indifferent. Is it because I'm not a screaming fag, or is it because I always dress in dreary blacks and browns? Anyhow, I'm not meeting the G4m bunch ever again, except for some friends.

I've always moved between two worlds but always get shunned by both. One world is of muscular, straight acting men. Gawd I hate gym, and I dont wanna punish myself lifting steel and wondering my hernia is hahaha. I am discriminated for having a body that is not buffed. The other is a world of effem's, fairies, and fashion conscious fabulous gays who call themselves "girls". They always looked at me with arched eybrows. Maybe Im not too vain, and I dont dress too fab. Or maybe I cant see the wisdom of having to slather everything onto your body to make it smooth and supple.

Sometimes, I wonder where I am right now. I am employed but with measly savings. I am single. My mom always worries about my bad behavior all the time. My siblings are always wondering at my whereabouts, as to what shit I am embroiled in again and how much cash do they have to spend in order to bail me out of the scrape I got into. I guess my dad's spinning in his grave right now, due to my craziness.Sometimes I think I'm leading a mediocre life. I don't know. For now I must hold my own against this feeling of nonchalance, that is preventing me from taking a step forward.

Will u help me, my friend?

P.S.This letter will also be published in my


mystic rouge said...

Love, Just for Fools
a poem by gab caraon

Love is merely just for fools,
A world of make believe.
Where happiness and joy abides
And pain it couldn't give.

Love is merely just for fools,
They think it's all for fun
But deep inside their lonely heart they know
It could tear their world apart.

Love is merely just for fools,
A game they like to play
Submerging in what they call bliss
And taking all the risks.

Love is merely just for fools,
That's all this poem says.
Love is really just for fools,
And I'm a fool, I say...

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