WHAT IF IM A FREAKIN' DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE?

Most of my Sunday was spent watching "that" show DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, and I can't help but agree to Mary Alice's words that "loneliness is something we can all relate to". However, I cannot imagine, in my queer life how I would fit as a desperate housewife. Here are some un-fitting situations:

(Gabrielle) Eva Longoria: If I were her, I won't just screw the gardener, I'll require a free gardening service. Hell, if you're fucking someone as hot as me, you gotta pay in any way possible. When I realize that my rich, generous husband wants to cure my loneliness with gifts, I'll sulk often and pretend loneliness. That way I can get that mini zoo I've always dreamed of (hippos included of course, but wait, i guess it's not a mini zoo after all).

(Susan) Teri Hatcher: Accident prone Susan. Oh boy, I can't imagine myself tumbling down my aprtment's steep steps and breaking a neck. That sure is a dangerous way to attract a man's attention. However that would attract a swarm of spectators. Maybe HE is among them. I guess I'll just put padding at the landing of the stairs for less damage. ouch!

Brini (Marcia Cross): Squeaky-clean Brini. Queer people should emulate her optimism, for instance, in an eyeball:

Ugly chatmate: Hi
KIDDO: Hi how are you? I brought you some homemade potpourri.
Chatmate (confused): oh ok. Would u like to go somewhere, like fuck?
KIDDO: Oh great sure!

Chatmate takes off his pants and reveals a small dick.

KIDDO: How nice, a small dick....


Lynette (Felicity Huffman) : Generally I don't like kids. They smell, they destroy, they rant, they eat too much and litter like 10 frenzied wildcats. To make those kids buckle up, I'll make them watch the CD of "Uncut murder scenes and footages too violent for TV". Whenever they would refuse, do a sample on a cat and tell in a most controlled voice "If you don't buckle up, you're next." Success everytime I guess. hahahaha

I guess that's why I'm just your good, old Kiddo. God knows what I would do.